Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Duckey gets deep...

OK so I have had some changes recently that I feel may have knocked me slightly off my spiritual path, and I’m not talking Christianity or religion but something much greater, the reason we exist… losing our way can happen to us all at some point or another in life.

Whilst moving almost three months ago, in leaving my old life, family and job I had to cut my ties with everything, even the universe. Some people call it god, the source but personally I prefer the universe. I am referring to this ultimate source of energy that makes the world work, if you know how to use this effectively you can get anything you want.

When you are connected to that source, things just seem to work for you, and lately I will admit things have not been going my way. A week ago I became very unwell I had to go home to Suffolk to have some tests and recuperate at my parents. It became apparent I had detached myself from the world to protect myself from missing home and the stress I was going through, only to be seen after a few days of being back there.

After lots of talking I discovered I was disconnected from this universal source and some how I needed to connect again. My parents and especially my brother gave me some good advice. My brother impressed me, he has such a wonderful presence I have only begun to see lately, I admire him deeply and if there is anyone I want to be like it him!

I also had a visit from a friend called Penny. She is the most lovely warm hearted person to be around I see her as a creature I admire ‘the butterfly’ she floats elegantly from place to place doing what she would like to do and living her life! She has been the best friend to my mum and over the weekend really helped me.

Penny specialises in a process called ‘The Journey’ this is a process where you meet your inner self and resolve issues that may have been causing an energy blockage of some kind for example, a bad experience. I did this process with her and it was amazing I was barely conscious and felt like I was travelling through my body.

Can the mind cure the mind, working on itself? This is almost a self- therapy that has been scenically proven to reduce stress or emotional discomfort. It was explained to me that we produce new cells in our body over few days, now if this is true then why do we get cancer? Surely this cell should re-new itself, this is why now it is being said that our cells memorise our emotions, if you are stressed an there is a blockage your cells may remember this and lock onto the new cell. I find it fascinating.

In doing this process I learnt a lot about myself and realised it is ok to be me… I had a lot of issues in the past with friends, relationships and discovered I had put myself in a cage to protect myself from others. I had felt so bad about the things that had happened to me I would never want to hurt anyone else.

I find it hard to make friends I have a “fake Rachel” I display at times of meeting new people, this Rachel I became to despise I hated being this person but due to the metal belief that I had, going back to my school years that I had done something horrible to make people treat me unkindly I had to give people what I thought they wanted to see, which made me an unhappy person as I had to suppress the real me.

After a while this hate became physical, I stopped eating, became more unhappy and found myself in a catch 22 situation heading for a sever eating disorder. It is only now I feel strong enough to come out and say It., I used to be ashamed but now I have been through a journey of self discovery. Sometimes you have to go through shit to find some meaning! I want to be able to be in a position to help others through my experience.

I found doing the journey with Penny a kind of mindfulness meditation; I guess this can be used for individuals with a variety of medical disorders, including stress, chronic pain, depression and eating disorders and perhaps when I have overcome this I would like to use it to help someone else.

Awareness, in eastern cultures is the process of shifting your world-view, from earthly mundane matters, through progressive levels of detachment to gain a supra-ordinal view

It is quite possible though, that if we look upon stress and anxiety as a warning signal from our mind and body that a change in the way we look at life and things in general is needed, and we view meditation as only a part of a whole series of measures to modify our current paradigms of living, it is likely to be far more successful in its originally intended role.

Its about finding a wholeness and inter-connectedness of things when you have found that in yourself wait and see what happens in the world around you.

2 comments:

PSBN Jon said...

Blimey Rach, this is heavy, but a good explanation of your situation.

I can honestly say that the Rachel I've always known has been the "fake Rachel" if you dont mind me saying...

Since reading your blog I am now discovering the "Real Rachel" who is caring, loving, intelligent, creative and full of fantastic advice for health and fitness!

Rachel Ducker said...

Well it has taken a lot for me to get to this stage and come out and say it... but i believe for a person to grow they have to get through hard times first and discover some things about themselves they don't always like.

Duckey x